Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that’s taken over our lives.
Just the usual camera and cell phone pics, thank you. ABC News/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET
Ammunition. Explosives. Toy guns. Firearms. Weapons of any kind.
What also fits comfortably on this list? Selfie sticks.
I know this because all these things are on the Secret Service’s list of banned items for Pope Francis’s visit to Washington DC on September 22-24.
I’m sure this will be depressing news to so many who hoped to stick their cameras above everyone’s heads, just so they could get the very same picture of the pope that everyone else with a selfie stick would have.
I’m also sure it will be news of an ungodly depressing nature to those who have been praying that the good Lord grant them a selfie-opp with the pope.
To these people, I say: Please offer 10 Hail Marys and 100 Our Fathers every day for the next month, accompanied by the words “I will never use a selfie stick again.”
There is no earthly need for selfie sticks. They are dangerous weapons. I have personally been threatened by someone holding one while walking down the street.
Residents of DC should already be used to selfie sticks being verboten. The Smithsonian Museum, for example, has called them a safety hazard.
The Secret Service simply says the ban is a “security precaution.”
I wonder, though, whether the list-compiler might have paused to consider his or her career. Just a couple of weeks ago, President Barack Obama gave the selfie stick community a large boost by using one himself in Alaska.
Still, we’re talking higher beings here. We’re talking about the pope, a man who wants humans to get off their gadgets and just talk to each other.
There again, that hasn’t stopped one celestial company from launching a whole series of highly edifying emojis to coincide with the pope’s visit.
I should warn you that if you and your selfie stick are seldom parted and you’ve decided to go see the pope and have your stick with you, it will not only be taken from you. The Secret Service wish to make clear: “Surrendered items will not be returned, or available for pick-up.”
Perhaps any selfie sticks confiscated will be melted down and turned into barricades or something. That would make them useful.